Welcome to Neurosis

I was sober for almost fourteen years. Fourteen!

Hey - wait... didn't this used to say... ah, fuck it

Then I started high school. It's been a decade since, and I can't even remember exactly what it is I'm fighting to find again. Sobriety? I know that's the ultimatum - finding a balanced mental state. But how am I going to know when I find that balance? I've been fucked up for just as many years as I've been sober, and the fucked up years are a lot fresher in my memory (contrary to obvious allusions about blackouts and drug addicts having negligible IQs. Though, mine did drop a few points throughout high school.)

Is God just going to take a break from signing the roster at the Pearly Gates, part the goddamn clouds (sorry, bad sentence to blaspheme the Lord) to come down and give me a smack on the face?

"Hey - Nigel! You're sober again! You can stop diffusing all the crap out of your bloodstream now. Stop trying to inject Ayurvedic medicine into your heart chakra. Seriously. Stop.


Honestly, I'm pretty sure my blood type changed from O-Negative to PCP-Positive.  That's gonna take some time to return to homeostasis. I've been pumped so full of noxious fumes that I might as well have been huffing a bellows full of meth smoke for ten years.

This is a good thing, though  - if not for my blatant disregard for my body, brain, and future, I wouldn't have any of these crazy ideas kicking the shit out of each other in a deathmatch of the medulla floating around in my head that I can now force upon you lovely readers.

If I've killed (or am killing? will continue killing? perhaps started an amphetamine-induced free radical chain that will melt my cerebrum?) this many brain cells, I need a freakin' outlet. Something productive's gotta come out of this. A peep into my mind, upon first glance, would show an outsider an fractured and abstract view of reality, garbled with indecipherable verses and unimaginable images.


This blog's going to be my attempt to pull these paradoxical processes out of my brain and convert them into laughable, thought-provoking and maniacal leisure reading. For folks who have either dabbled, are considering dabbling (PS: don't do it) or were smart enough not to dabble but still like to observe the repercussions of those who do. Behold - the DARK SIDE of the SPOON.


(get it? because when you cook... crack.. the underside of the spoon gets black... and.... y'know, the dark side of the moon...Pink Floyd... did drugs... shut up it's clever)